respectful adoption language
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Respectful Adoption Language

No matter what role you play in an adoption situation, it is important to use respectful adoption language when discussing adoption. If you are new to adoption, you may not yet know what words or terms to use when referring to people or events involved within the adoption process. The purpose of this article is to help you navigate those conversations using adoption terminology that is respectful to all parties involved.

Before entering the world of adoption myself, I did not understand that there was specific terminology to use when talking about adoption. Through the education we received through our agency, as well as through adoption Facebook groups, I began to learn and practice appropriate adoption language.

Now, as an open adoptive parent, I not only use respectful adoption language, but I also teach it. It is highly important to me that our children and ALL the people involved in our children’s lives are treated and acknowledged with respect and love.

respectful adoption language

So let’s talk first about the most common adoption faux pas:

placed for adoption vs. given up for adoption

This was the first, common terminology mistake that our agency made us aware of. It is never appropriate to say that a child “was given up for adoption” or a mother “gave their child up for adoption”. The child/children was/were PLACED for adoption.

is adopted vs. was adopted

Never label a child. IS adopted puts a label on a child. WAS adopted implies that an event of adoption occurred.

Now let’s talk about what to call everyone involved in the adoption triad:

The adoption triad consists of the:

  • adoptee
  • adoptive mother/father
  • biological mother/father

When referring to these people, as someone outside of the triad, appropriate terminology consists of:

  • adoptee: their name
  • adoptive mother: name, adoptive mother (mom), mother, mom, parent
  • adoptive father: name, adoptive father (dad), father, dad, parent
  • biological mother: name, biological mother (mom), birth mother (mom), first mother (mom), mother, mom
  • biological father: name, biological father (dad), birth father (dad), father, dad

Related Articles:

You’re More Than A “Birth” Mom

What Do I Call My Birth Mother?

respectful adoption language

Quick recap:

Respectful Adoption Language:

  1. Birth mother (mom)
  2. Biological mother (mom)
  3. First mother (mom)
  4. Birth father (dad)
  5. Biological father (dad)
  6. Adoptive mother (mom)
  7. Adoptive father (dad)
  8. Mother (mom) *for either biological/adoptive
  9. Father (dad) *for either biological/adoptive
  10. Parent(s) *those with LEGAL custody of the child
  11. Placed for adoption
  12. WAS adopted *adoption is an event not a label

Disrespectful Adoption Language:

  1. Real mom: both mothers (biological and adoptive are both REAL mothers)
  2. Given up for adoption
  3. IS/ARE/AM adopted *avoid labeling a child

Related Articles:

Gotcha Day vs. Adoption Day | Which One Is It?

Where Do I Belong? | Books for Adopted Children

Adoption | To Tell or Not To Tell is NEVER a Question

I hope that this article provided you some insight into the adoption world and how to navigate conversations about adoption. No matter what your role in an adoptive relationship, it is important that you use respectful adoption language. In the end, the most important thing to remember is– the meaning of adoption is love.

step by step adoption guide

Have you been thinking about adoption, but don’t know where to start?

Or maybe you have started doing some research on the process and are starting to get overwhelmed by the extensive and expensive process?

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  6. How to self promote
  7. What to expect when meeting with birth mothers
  8. Preparing for the hospital
  9. What to expect during the wait between birth and finalization
  10. What to expect at finalization
  11. How to finance adoption- it IS possible for adoption to become easily affordable
  12. Access to private FB group for mentorship, support and feedback!

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bri
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11 Comments

  • Gervin Khan

    Wow! This article is so interesting and very informative as well. I love the context of this post, it gives great knowledge to handle such a situation. It’s definitely worth reading, loved it!

  • Lynn Armstong

    This was such an informative article! I love how you addressed potentially offensive terms in such an educational and non-judgemental way! Thank you so much for sharing such important information- adoption is all about love and it is so important that everyone understands that. ❤️

  • Lynn Armstrong

    This was such an informative article! I love how you addressed potentially offensive terms in such an educational and non-judgemental way! Thank you so much for sharing such important information- adoption is all about love and it is so important that everyone understands that. ❤️

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