Adoption is a triad. Adoption is love amongst that triad. No matter what the circumstances, there is love from each member in the triad, for each member in the triad.
A child is the recipient of love from their birth and adoptive parents. This love may look different than traditional “love”. However, it is love all the same. Bonding with that child at some point within their life has resulted in a lasting love and care for that child.
The child has the more difficult role in this love triad. As they navigate childhood, adolescence and even into adulthood, their perception of their adoption story and all those involved will continue to grow and change.
An adopted child may have connection and attachment concerns/questions/thoughts when it comes to their unique situation.
Do their adoptive parents really love them?
Why did their biological parents place them for adoption?
Did/Do their biological parents (still) love them?
Is it okay to love their biological parents? Will their adoptive parents be mad if they do?
Is it okay to love their adoptive parents? Will their biological parents be mad if they do?
All of these thoughts and anxieties of a young, adopted child must be addressed. Therapy is always a great option for adopted children battling these thoughts. However, education and open communication from the adoptive and birth parents to the child will also form a more solid foundation for that child to not only understand- but also to freely love.
Related post: What Do I Call My Birth Mother?
Book suggestions for adopted children:
The adoptive parent(s):
An adoptive parent has love for both the adopted child and his/her birth parents.
Initial bonding has been shown to be delayed in some cases when parent and child are first placed together. However, that bond and natural love seed and grow just as any biological child/parent sets.
Understanding the sacrifice that the birth parent(s) made within the adoption results in a growing respect and love for the child’s biological parents. Watching their child grow and seeing their similarities both physically and within their personalities to their biological parents only accelerates that loving respect.
Voicing and communicating their love for them (the adopted child) as well as their birth parents, is incredibly important for an adoptive parent. Showing the child that it is okay to love and respect everyone in the triad without shame/fear/inhibition will allow that child to grow emotionally aware and connected.
Book suggestions for adoptive parents:
The birth parent(s):
A birth parent has love for their child as well as their adoptive parents.
Of course the birth parents feel a connection and love for their child. The child is part of them and will always be.
However, a degree of love, respect and appreciation also exists for the adoptive parents to their child. This may vary depending on the circumstances of the adoption, but the understanding that their child is being cared for by the adoptive parents produced some level of love for them.
If part of an open adoption situation, this love can me expressed by the birth parents to the adopted child. This will reaffirm the adopted child’s perspective of their unique adoption situation.
Related post: You’re More Than a “Birth Mom”
Book suggestions for birth parents:
Yes, all adoption situations look different. Some may be less fortunate than others. However, there is still love hindering within each party of the adoption triad. Communicating this love is the most effective way to develop a strong and healthy adoption situation all around. You simply can’t love one part of the triad without the other.
Adoption is mutual respect.
It is mutual understanding.
Adoption is mutual support.
It is mutual appreciation.
Adoption is love…
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